Narrow Road

It is amazing to me how easy it is to lose excitement and motivation, for anything.  The realization that it is a daily choice, and that my motivation and excitement for all things in life must be fought for and guarded like a precious jewel every day.  One of my greatest struggles is my emotions - God has helped me to reign in the the outward expressions that can be negative in some cases - but inwardly my emotions can still be a raging battle.  And I realize this may never change, and I realize my battle is against a deceptive, evil being.  So that being said, this weekend proved yet another battle for me, and the burden inside is still trying to find its means of escape. 

We attended 3 parties this weekend... Friday night a birthday party, Saturday afternoon a Christian bar-mitzvah/ birthday party for a dear friend of ours who is handicapped and was not expected to live this long, and Saturday evening a housewarming party.  This meant lots of aquaintances, lots of chatting.  If you have seen, I'm reading, again, Richard Wumbrands's book, "Tortured for Christ."  Not a fun read, but one everyone should partake in.  You can get a free copy through Voice of the Martyrs.  In part, it details the brutatlity of the Russian Communists towards Christians, and also the faithfulness of the Underground Church.  Richard speaks of walking around after his conversion with a great burden for each person he saw as he wondered if they knew Jesus.  And he details some of what the Christians went through to uphold the name of Christ in jail.  None of which I can fathom.  So, I have been thinking more of those around me - do they know Jesus? do they have His Hope? And this leads me to the parties....

At the Bar Mitzvah, I was encouraged to see the Good News brought forth, especially 'cause I know some there haven't experienced it yet, and was overjoyed at how the family took this opportunity, of a 13th birthday, to speak for the testimony of Jesus Christ.  I'm excited to see what God can do through that.  Then there were the other two parties.  Both had the smoking/drinking crowd.  Not just "a drink" crowd.  As I left both of the parties, I realized I had begun to feel the burden Richard spoke of... the burden of their souls.   Though I engaged with people, the talk never left the realm of superficial.  I heard their talk of life - most of it meaningless to say the least.  Although fellowship is important, showing you care just by listening and engaging, is there not a way to bring conversation to something of purpose? I'm not even saying presenting the Gospel, i'm just talking about asking questions that will get people thinking, interested, in things of eternity.  And then, there is another sorrow I felt, of wondering why others don't seem to feel this burden that I feel should also.  Do they not care more about people's eternal destiny's than fitting in? Will someone think you are as cool on the day of judgement if they are cast from the presence of God and asking you why you didn't take a "risk" socially and proclaim to them the Good News???  Will I care about my social status on that day?!

So I am here I am, not wanting to cast the first stone, but to look at myself and ask God to show me how to love others and to socialize in a way that brings Glory to Him and others closer to knowing Him.  I think Bill Hybels book, "Walk Across the Room" may be about this topic - so i'll add that to the list.  I am off to try and re-engage in the battle, instead of retreating as I like to do.  If you can believe it, I only hit on part of my thoughts from the weekend - I didn't even tell you about the book and what I'm learning through it at church... it is called, "When Helping Hurts".   Apparently it may be easier to keep my head in the sand if I would stick to reading fiction or lighthearted novels... and that's why I don't.